Another Post About Celebrity Birthdays....

I'm not sure why, but I have a total 13-year-old girl crush on Catherine Zeta-Jones. I can even forgive her for being married to an old guy, Michael Douglas, because he was born in my hometown. Today I learned that they share the same birthday, which I guess is kinda cool... But I don't think I could handle it if Barbara Walters and Mark Hamill got together

Britney got married in my 'hood

I just read online that Britney Spears married that trashy dancer guy Kevin Federline in a private residence in Studio City, California. While I guess technically I don't live in Studio City, it's like, within walking distance. So it's quite possible that this is the closest I've ever been to Britney. I mean, yeah, I saw her on stage that time at Jones Beach, but we were in the last row, and she was still pretty far away.

UPDATE: Here's a CNN article with more details.

Is your teddy bear gettin' a little chunky?

I consider myself an expert on pop culture workouts. I've done the "George Jetson" along with Paula Abdul in her Get Up and Dance workout video, and found that tape surprisingly fun and easy to follow. At one point, I even owned the MTV Grind Workout Tai Funk Aerobics featuring the short-lived boyband C-Note. (That one was so bad I sold it on eBay almost immediately after purchasing it.)

I even have experience in the realm of toy exercise. Proof? Here's the review I wrote a while back of Dance Workout with Barbie. While I struggled a bit with Barbie's jerky motions, it can't compete with what I saw today on a Saturday morning TV commercial.

The Care Bears I remember from my childhood basically just sat around looking cute, but now they're as fitness-obsessed as the rest of America. Maybe I should just be happy that they're called the "Fun n' Fit Bears" and not "Low Carb Bears" or something, but these bears lead the stupidest workout I have ever seen. Barbie's workout movements are a little limited, but at least she has knees and elbows! And at least the people who made the Barbie workout had the common sense to include a crew of perky pre-teen backup dancers so you can watch real people do the moves when Barbie gets hard to follow.

From what I could tell on the Care Bears commercial, the Fun n' Fit Bear wiggles around a bit as it raises and lowers its arms to the tune of three songs (including a Care Bear rendition of Olivia Newton John's "Physical"). This might be just fine if your favorite stuffed animal needs a workout, but do the toy makers think this product is going to help America's fat, TV-watching youngsters slim down? Even if you could figure out the moves, what kind of exercise role model is a teddy bear? They're all soft and mushy, with no muscle definition at all! I bet they call this one Wish Bear because getting in shape with a Care Bear would take a damn lot of wishing.

Fake Bands Rock my World

After a long and miserable day, I came home really down.

But I was immediately picked up by an encore presentation of the ABC-Family original movie "POP ROCKS" -- in case you don't know the film, it's like this. Gary Cole (the Dad from the Brady Bunch movies; and the boss from Office Space) plays a straight-laced banker and father of two. But 20 years ago, he was the front-man for a heavy metal band called ROCK TOXIN. Long story short, the band gets back together, he needs the money to pay for his daughter's college tuition, it's a crazy double-life, with plenty of 3's company moments.

The music rocks, the comedy is funny and Gary Cole proves that he's one of the most talented (and underrated) actors working today.

To learn more about fake bands like ROCK TOXIN, check out this site:
ROCKLOPEDIA FAKEBANDICA

They profile all the best fake bands from movies, TV and cartoons shows. Everything from The Be Sharps (on The Simpsons) to the Max Rebo Band (Return of the Jedi); from the Misfits (Jem and the Holograms) to Titanica (Mr. Show) -- it's all there.

If you'd like to watch more FAKE BANDS, rent some of these rockin' movies...

BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS
PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE
THE APPLE (finally on DVD)

Map of Springfield

(I may have linked to this before, but I just stumbled across it again, and I wanted to be absolutely sure I mentioned it.) One of my favorite things about pop culture is when people get really into it. The Map of Springfield is the best example I've seen of this in a while. Created by two fans of The Simpsons who noticed the world was lacking an accurate map of the show's fictional town, it's obsessively detailed and fun and funny. Even if you haven't watched the show lately, locations like "Pizza on a Stick" and "Vicious Cycle" are laugh worthy on their own.

Kong in Concert

If you like playing videogames only because the music is so good, check out Kong in Concert. It's an unofficial collection of remixes of the music from Donkey Kong Country. Download the MP3's here.

Damn, I wish I had a quarter

I had never heard of the site X-Entertainment.com until I stumbled across their Vending Machine Prizes Spectacular! 2004 Edition. If you haven't checked out the vending machines at your local grocery store in a while, the article will get you all caught up on what you've been missing. From real Homies to imitation Homies to nasty gummy snacks to occult jewelry, you'll find an assortment of not-so-valuables just waiting for your 50 cents. I wish there were more people out in the world doing this kind of important pop culture research!

Celebribabies

The Celebrity Baby Blog just informed me that Beck's new baby is named Cosimo.

Linky-links

I've been too busy to post anything lately, but here's a little bit of catching up:

Even if you haven't been watching Growing Up Gotti, you might find the Smoking Gun version to your liking. It's a different kind of reality TV -- surveillance tapes from when family members visited John Gotti in prison.

All you pop culture lovers who've been donating to PBS might want to check out their website for The Video Game Revolution. It talks about the history of video games and has interviews and stuff. Take some quizzes and play a game of Galaga online.

If you have trouble understanding today's teens, maybe this youth ministry website's Teen Lingo Dictionary will help. My fave definition is for prostitots, "little girls that wear tight low cut jeans and belly shirts like Brittany Spears." (Gotta love that they spelled her name wrong.) Aight now, I better stop chizzlin' and go make some chips. Fo' real!