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I am thankful that VH1 capitalized on the success of I Love the 80's and
made I Love the 70's...and I Love the 80's Strikes Back. Ten hours of people I've never heard of cracking jokes about pop culture I don't
remember just wasn't enough for me. And because they seem to have nothing
else to show on VH1, I can turn on the TV at any time and I know that I'll
be able to find Loni Love telling us how much she likes Chicken McNuggets. I am thankful for Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (the black sheep of the Mad Max trilogy). I'm thankful that I don't have to buy the DVD because it seems like some third-rate cable channel is always showing it. No matter what I'm doing I can stop and watch the Thunderdome sequence, or "the telling" sequence, or the runaway train sequence. I am thankful that the opening gives the names of characters (like "Ironbar Bassey," "Pig Killer" and "the Gyro Captain"). I am thankful that the creepy tribal orphan carries a talking Bugs Bunny doll, because I had the same one when I was a creepy young boy. I'm thankful that Heath Ledger is not going to make the 4th Mad Max movie.
The Wachowski brothers could have learned something from this movie -- you
don't need explosions and CGI robots to end a trilogy. Instead you can make
a charming film with Tina Turner, a dwarf and slapstick car crashes. I am thankful that Gruner + Jahr USA Publishing revealed that Rosie O'Donnell is a bitchy woman. I am more thankful that Rosie O'Donnell revealed that Gruner + Jahr USA Publishing is a bitchy company. I am also thankful for the Candace Cameron movie Monster Mash, which was based on the smash hit song of the same name. I only hope the movie version of Avril Lavigne's "Sk8ter Boi" will be as cool. I am thankful that Stargate SG1 runs nearly continuously on Sci-Fi. I am thankful for Samurai Jack and Judge Larry Joe and all the Johnny Depp movies that came out this year. But most of all, I'm thankful for Diet Coke and whatever it is they put in there that makes it so addictive, even though I'm probably going to have flipper babies from it. I'm thankful for that Mr. Goodwrench commercial starring Stephen Colbert, where he asks an auto mechanic, "If Mr. Goodwrench were a tool, what would he be?" and the correct answer is not a wrench, but a miter saw. I haven't laughed that hard at an advertisement since Taco Bell's "zesty taco" campaign. I'm also thankful for my cable modem, because it connected me with that unaired Buffy pilot featuring a different Willow. I am thankful for night vision cameras without which we would have no Paris Hilton video. Because even though this won't hurt her "career," she is now a trashy rich stupid bitch, instead of a rich stupid bitch! I am also thankful for Jessica Simpson, who clarified that "chicken of the sea" is tuna and not chicken. I am thankful for nouveau arena rock band The Darkness because they are British and wear jumpsuits and help me ROCK my way through the workday. Happy Thanksgiving from Popcrazy!
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