The Britney and Jason Gift Registry

As the marriage of Britney Spears and Jason Alexander came to an abrupt end (following an even more abrupt start), we were never able to give them the full registry treatment. Luckily, through my source at Spears Camp Central, a.k.a. the "Oops Patrol," I snagged a list of the couple's dream gifts, and everything they hoped would come with wedded bliss. Maybe there's still time for Britney and Jason to reconsider the annulment, come together and realize that what they truly want… total world domination. --Jay Bergenfeld

For Her

A life-size bottle of Ketal One
The cover of Better Boobs and Booties magazine
A Justin Timberlake ass-kicking
A re-write of the Crossroads 2 script
Surgery to have that vocoder effect implanted in her voice box
The ability to understand and feel shame

For Him

A day free of being called "Mr. Spears"
The cover of 15 Minutes of Fame magazine
Make out tips from Madonna
A lifetime membership in the National Association of Fight Clubs
A high-five from every man in the United States
One bayou frat boy + the Fab Five of Queer Eye = ratings gold

For Them

His and her trucker hats
A chance to punk the celebrity of their choice.
A lovely china and silver pattern from Ruby Tuesdays
1000 red strings and free matzoh from the Kabbalah Centre
His and her crotchless panties
A TV show where they move in with Nick and Jessica
An ad in Variety stating "We're the New Nick and Jessica!"


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